Pellava Smith Corporation

[better late than...]

2012-01-27T09:22:00.000Z

I don't know why I hadn't spotted these beauties last spring,
but can I just point out that I adore the Spijkers & Spijkers
SS 2011 collection: Dutch Nautical. These dresses speak to
my soul! "Come away with me, let's sail away from the safe waters..."
(though they would be super impractical onboard,...)

[mental notes for future reference]

2012-01-24T12:39:00.000Z

[...architecture of houses of a soul, in landscapes of the future and everlasting...]

[Film]

2012-01-22T21:01:00.001Z

If I'd be writing our script
which scenes would I play again
which scenes would I erase
which scenes would I keep
who would play me
who would play you
How long would it take me to answer
would I hesitate again,
Would I write you to ask again
in a way that I wouldn't run away
but look into you
and see you, for the first time
like a man
who you are becoming
who have you been
and dare to let you in
behind these gates.
Come soon.

[Post Title]

2012-01-20T13:18:00.001Z

Again came across one of the most famous quotes that is by Mark Twain: "Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth."

It sort of struct me - I do want to dance in a way I am seen, seen and known and
wild and real and alive. No hiding, because when I dance, I only dance for the One who created dance.
No agenda, no games, but a gentle, unstoppable force. Dance like you are loved. You are.
Love... I do want to love in a way that I fully recognize that I have been hurt, I want
to love in a way that I know it, I remember it, learn, but I choose to forgive, I choose to give my all,
I choose to turn as many cheeks as it takes, I want to love fearlessly, but not to be naïve,
I want to find peace on my boundaries and love with hurts and no hurts, as to truly love
means that you are willing for it to be costly. Unconditional.
Sing - whether it's screaming or whisper, I know that I am heard. I should be heard.
And I am singing along and for the One who cares of my songs. One who sang us into being.
Live like it's heaven on earth. And it is. Now, and not yet. Kingdom come!

"We all want to grow with the seeds we will sow
We all want to go with the breeze we will blow
We all want to know when we're all meant to go
To a place you and I - will call home"

[I can't outguess God]

2012-01-20T11:44:00.000Z

"Dixie Chicks: Wide Open Spaces"

Who doesn't know what I'm talking about
Who's never left home, who's never struck out
To find a dream and a life of their own
A place in the clouds, a foundation of stone

Many precede and many will follow
A young girl's dream no longer hollow
It takes the shape of a place out west
But what it holds for her, she hasn't yet guessed

[Chorus:]
She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes

She traveled this road as a child
Wide eyed and grinning, she never tired
But now she won't be coming back with the rest
If these are life's lessons, she'll take this test

[Repeat Chorus]
She knows the high stakes

As her folks drive away, her dad yells, "Check the oil!"
Mom stares out the window and says, "I'm leaving my girl"
She said, "It didn't seem like that long ago"
When she stood there and let her own folks know

[Repeat Chorus]
She knows the highest stakes
She knows the highest stakes
She knows the highest stakes
She knows the highest stakes

[night watch]

2012-01-16T22:45:00.003Z

<p>&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://ihopkcmusic.bandcamp.com/track/find-a-friend"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;Find a Friend by Elizabeth Bedford&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;</p>

See my motivation isn't loneliness.
My motivation is not fear.
My motivation is not needing something.
My motivation isn't even that I couldn't do
this, lack of capacity or capability.
So I am thankful,
that I actually get to choose.
I ain't a sun of your universe,
I am a shooting star.

I will follow something ancient,
something that was written before
I knew how to read,
A sound that was sang,
before I had ears,
A calling,
spoken to the depths of the sea,
and where I swam ashore,
I shall belong.

"And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

[prospect]

2012-01-16T12:35:00.002Z

i wish i could share with you
my desire to invest in this
when i try to figure things out
and live in a way i know is right,
really don't want to mess up this - (what ever it will become)
(even though it's actually alright,
i don't think even my mistakes could stop this)
"There are no rules of architecture for a castle in the clouds."
but there are some structures
that healthy organic things need,

so I want to see a solid foundation,
the most beautiful house with many rooms
ready to be decorated, ready to be lived in,
and yeah may we be crowned
with a trim that comes
like a halo, bright eaves,
a shining edge,
from the above
that takes it all
and knows,
it is good,
come what may.

[no]

2012-01-15T21:51:00.000Z

If you have heard it right,
why weren't you told details?
Why weren't you told that the door
you are knocking on is closed?
If you heard it right,
why weren't you told that the path
you are trying to tread on,
has been closed from the public?
If you heard it right,
why weren't you told,
that this one is not to be conquered
but little by little to earn it's trust?
If you heard it right,
why didn't you know?
Or if you had heard, did you not
trust, did you not believe,
did you not obey?
And why hadn't I heard anything?
Sorry, but the door will remain closed until I hear,
the path kept only for those who know
where it begins,
and the fox,
the warrior, the princess,
she will stay in the wilderness.
See, my wilderness grows roses.

|medicine|

2012-01-12T15:34:00.003Z

...has to taste bad
in order to be effective.
air is fresher when it's raining.
milk is more expensive every time
I buy a new carton.
buses never seem to slow down
in that junction.
in moments slowly dragging by
when i'm trying to find my feet
so strongly rooted on this rock
i'm looking around
wondering why aren't you
still standing next to me
why don't i speak your language
why can't i just stay where you were
or are you ahead
i wish i could tell you all these
tales, mundane
make them technicolor
and get to know how you feel.
And yet I know, I know, I know.
You were an image in my Creator's mind
before I knew who you are,
and while we run to the horizon
the careless feeling,
there is nothing that can stop it.

[with you is my home/holiday]

2012-01-11T21:02:00.001Z

Psalm 122

A Song of Ascents. Of David.

¹I WAS glad when they said to me,
Let us go to the house of the Lord!

²Our feet are standing within

your gates, O Jerusalem!--

³Jerusalem, which is built as a city

that is compacted together--

⁴To which the tribes go up, even the

tribes of the Lord, as was decreed

and as a testimony for Israel,

to give thanks to the name of the Lord.

⁵For there the thrones of judgment were set,

the thrones of the house of David.

⁶Pray for the peace of Jerusalem!

May they prosper who love you [the Holy City]!

⁷May peace be within your walls

and prosperity within your palaces!

⁸For my brethren and companions' sake,

I will now say, Peace be within you!

⁹For the sake of the house of the Lord our God,

I will seek, inquire for, and require your good.

[Merry Christmas]

2011-12-22T22:09:00.003Z

[o please]

2011-12-15T23:02:00.002Z

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

- Francis of Assisi

[reverberations]

2011-12-14T22:48:00.001Z

Paid my debt and grief took over,
sorrow I hadn't seen for long
phantoms of old
a black hole
a memory, of a love that was gone
A man I though would be there forever
but neither of us, had what it would have taken

You can't just catch and keep
what is wild at heart
you must tame it and let it learn to trust you
and eats from your hand,
He wasn't willing take the risk
And now, just a vague scars remind

Expensive it was, to live in a lie
And wish someone had said it earlier
He loves you, but He doesn't love enough
the One for who you are willing to sacrifice all,
So I left, broken and abused
and so confused

There must be redemption
There is hope
but in the darkness of night
when it's hard to see beyond immediate
Sometimes I hesitate
I've learnt to not to be afraid anymore
Smile, dance, laugh without regrets

Will this residue go away
or must it be loved out?

[like guardian angels]

2011-12-12T15:00:00.000Z

Kansas City Boiler Room from KC Boiler Room on Vimeo.

I adore the cinematic feel of this short introduction to the life of dear friends in Kansas City Boiler Room. I'm extremely excited to see these stories being birthedin my home country and in my city.

[360°]

2011-12-03T14:14:00.001Z

[Perfect +/-1]

2011-12-02T21:55:00.001Z

An evening which turned from work to prayer,
from prayer to revelation,
from revelation to shared understanding,
from understanding to knowing,
from knowing to scheming,
scheming and planning,
and laughter, and thanksgiving,
with a good meal and fazer blue,
and glögi and friends,
family gathered around
a dinner table and God.
Celebrating what is and what is to come.
Cycling home, in light snow fall.
You paint my world beautiful.

//Fire haunts us holds us now
Bright eyes still hides us, takes us now
Still spins us wild

Sweet voice calls us
When black face chase us
Come to me, hide in me
Run into this
Storms fear us here

They take us now
Under your wings I'll hide//
(immanu el)

[C'est moi]

2011-12-01T08:19:00.001Z

I have the utter privilege to be part of this global prayer movement http://www.24-7prayer.com/and this is my contribution to the advent podcast series. Oh Lord, Come. :)

[used to to be]

2011-11-29T19:29:00.001Z

Walked through it, but not in there anymore,
thanks to the One who build me back,
and is in the process of restoration
and draws my boundaries in pleasant places,
so I can love and be loved again.

But the song is a beautiful reminder.

[it comes in waves]

2011-11-27T23:10:00.001Z

One says yes
One says no
I've got to stop to listen to these voices
And you are silent

Somewhere like behind a veil
Beautifully drawn picture
I can draw into existence
what we don't have
And you are silent

Did I ever matter
or did you ever consider
I don't dare to ask
And you are silent

On thin ice, with plenty of sand
a bucket of small fish
and so many generations of curly haired children
stunning but not yet born
And you are silent

[depth sounder]

2011-11-26T18:06:00.001Z

If I don't hold on to this happiness, will it slip away or would it stay
the problem is i'm not hurting anymore
such a lame problem
you have rescued me from the darkness
and I can't close myself in it

Yet on a foreign territory, no man's land
this is where I have never been, and I confess I don't know the rules
Scenery familiar when I close my eyes and
yet never seen when I look harder,
Threehundred-seventy-six steps I've ran
and will be running further still
where turtles swim past the ocean so flawless
if you won't stop me, and
say you are willing to take a risk with
taming what is wild
enough to hold it close, at arm's length
Are we cautious or are we just wise
Who will ever know
But you provide a home for the restless in me
Home is wherever I am with you
But I don't want to take away
what you have got, you are too good to be true
and you are much desired, and I don't easily share,
I unconsciously avoid saying anything that would
break what we have
I'm holding onto air
My lung's a thief
Should I know you
A stranger though you seem
You feel like home
Fade and then return
Alternate universe
And it takes me those seventeen days
to get over
where we have been
(where rocks and seashells belong)
forget
and then continue
[Unless you take a stand and want, I won't be a thing.]
Waiting, without expectations,
but curios.

[Just wanted to tell..]

2011-11-24T09:19:00.001Z

Can I tell you about my favourite birthday present?
Well, I will tell anyway.

Wilde Dieren / Wild Animals from Rop van Mierlo

About Wild Animals
The snake rattles,the lion yawns and man makes a book.
A wild bookfor civilized people.
A sophisticated bookfor wild people.
A beautiful bookwith wild animalsfor civilized people.
A book with beautiful animalsfor wild people.

About Rop
He is a man.
He is fascinated by people,
thehuman condition, and its strangeconsequences.
He once had a dog that bit offthe tip of his ear.
He looks at himself and at therest.
He is a mirror.He is crazy.
We are all crazy, heonce said at a party.
He does not give answers.He asks questions.
He shapes, pushes and turns,builds and lets it flow.
He offers worlds.

(And, this definition reminds me much of the giver of the gift)
Check the 'Wilde Dieren' out: http://wild-animals.nl/

[wilderthorn]

2011-11-09T16:18:00.000Z

[olivia]

2011-11-09T11:42:00.000Z

on a closer look
such delicate features
astonishing
not just the plain surface
but intrigued details
fairy
warrior
princess
what would your descendants look like

[a migliorare il tuo rotto]

2011-11-05T20:41:00.000Z

worthlessness built on
the knowledge of there not being anyone
who is responsible for valuing
or to defend

in this company i keep
it doesn't qualify me to be a leader

woman, somehow less,
not worthy of being held up,
protected
where is the crown
now turning to thorns

how to be vulnerable
and fullness of strength
available

glass walls, invisible barriers,
what if I haven't made this choice
(or even if I have)

O God,
from these fractions
would you make my story complete
so that with the whole of my being
I could reflect your light,
so bright,
in all the colours of the rainbow
sign of covenant

[what to expect]

2011-11-01T09:51:00.001Z

Forgive me before you read further,
It's not your fault.
Let me get it out and in order,
I like my ducks all over the place.
Now that just doesn't quite cut it,
because I like my space and not invaders,
nice to be wanted but not if something
is wanted of me.
You can't impress me much
by following, by learning my speak
and by imitating my manner of words
It should be I who wants to follow
who would get impressed
and who would adore the steps one takes
So create your own language
Man your own speech
Rise up with ambition
Be yourself, learn to stand alone
and you will surely find your counterpart
(but most probably not from here).
Yes I'm abusing the grammar here,
but I think even Anne of Avonlea
would stand with me.

[awakenings with frustration]

2011-11-01T07:56:00.002Z

Oh please make me laugh today,
to forget about myself for a moment
and then to rediscover.
Waking up to screams uncalled
I don't think I can take it much more
The countdown has began
as it has so many times before.
Safe to say, it would be
sweet to settle,
keep myself in hiding
and not to be seen.
But don't think I'm called to that,
so eight, seven, six,
grant me with wisdom and love,
five, four, three,
grant me with courage and faith,
two, one,
FLY.

[Feather's Song]

2011-10-25T11:54:00.001+01:00

In my memories you are painted with gold

all reflective and unable to keep holding on

like leaves of maple trees in October

I am my own obsession

self existence and a hollow,

branded being

life is from above and grounded.

Repeating the same things

and wondering why you aren't gone already

as by now they have always left

Would it be so that you won't be

fading away.

Please don't let this be One Day

I could not take it, let's just

say what we mean and what we

really want and face it,

this could be it, the best it of it all.

tutto questo è tuo,

bElla dOnna

[Life Goal]

2011-10-24T17:18:00.000+01:00

A good woman is hard to find,
   and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
   and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
   all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
   and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
   and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
   for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
   then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
   rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
   is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
   diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
   reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
   their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
   and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
   when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
   brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
   and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
   and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
   and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
   her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things,
   but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
   The woman to be admired and praised
   is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
   Festoon her life with praises!
[Prov. 31 MSG]

[fashion moment]

2011-10-17T17:02:00.002+01:00

this or this

[when i stop]

2011-10-16T07:17:00.002+01:00

when I've got nothing in my hands
except these dreams you have given me
passion and fire, drive to see,
dreams to come on earth as they are in heavens
aching that's left
when the boxes fall in they feel so small
and painfully dragging on
you told me to never change
indeed, more probably should stay the same
and become even more
but what if it consumes me
before I see these things move on
to live out of heart
to get to choose
to be a lover instead of being held aside
to be a wife with a place underarm
to be a bride with declaration of love
to be a mother expecting children of promise
to know that every morning matters to someone
to know it inside and not just when someone
expresses their needs and wants
to know and to be known
to love and to bestow
to be and to be owned
and to let go.

["Be here now," He whispered.]

2011-10-11T13:17:00.000+01:00

This could be the very minute
I'm aware I'm alive
All these places feel like home

With a name I'd never chosen
I can make my first steps
As a child of 25

This is the straw, final straw in the
Roof of my mouth as I lie to you
Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean
I didn't enjoy it at the time

You're the only thing that I love
It scares me more every day
On my knees I think clearer

Goodness knows I saw it coming
Or at least I'll claim I did
But in truth I'm lost for words

What have I done it's too late for that
What have I become truth is nothing yet
A simple mistake starts the hardest time
I promise I'll do anything you ask...this time

-Snow Patrol: Chocolate

[Schrijvers Voor Gerechtigheid]

2011-10-03T07:37:00.000+01:00

Soz for those who don't speak dutch either, but I don't but I love this project,
I want to be involved in something similar, but in our own way, to bring
about those things that would not exist in the kingdom without us.
God, what is on your heart for these people, for this place...
#WritersForJustice #ArtsForJustice #AllArtistsAreProphets
#KingdomCome #YourWillBeDone

[autumn fashion]

2011-09-18T20:05:00.001+01:00

It has to be done once. The fashion review of the season.
Today I was absolutely mesmerised with this Hermès website.
So inspiring. After some browsing, and
visiting this Exhibition I'd so want to do something
with fashion again.
Most of the new stuff at Urban Outfitters reminded me
way too much of our childhood in the 80's and 90's
and therefore I can't yet quite take it seriously enough
that my eyes would have adjusted to think of it
as fashion.
But there were some items that caught my eye.

Anglomania Wool Drape Mac

Malababa Tan Agate Clutch

Silence + Noise Soft Origami Skirt

[how a thief had been robbed]

2011-09-14T16:05:00.002+01:00

and a burst of reality
like water from a duck's back
and a realisation that you are beyond my control
and not even any ability to even guess
and so out of reach
and it felt exhilarating
you come back to me when you want
and if you want
and it feels like flying to Neverland
and with you
I feel as found as I was lost
Am outlines that get content

[prayer for today]

2011-09-12T16:22:00.002+01:00

A friend of mine send me this in an email this morning. As lots of us, myself included,

are on the cusp of new seasons here, I found it appropriate. It is a prayer for new life in transitions, from the Common Prayer book by Shane Claiborne &comp.

Lord help me now to unclutter my life, to organise myself in the direction of simplicity.

Lord teach me to listen to my heart; teach me to welcome change, instead of fearing it.

Lord, I give you these stirrings inside me. I give you my discontent. I give you my restlessness. I give you my doubt. I give you my despair. I give you all the longings I hold inside.

Help me to listen to these signs of change, of growth; help me to listen seriously and follow where they lead through the breathtaking empty space of an open door.

Amen.

[the day]

2011-09-10T18:37:00.002+01:00

On the day when God made you
He did not have to bother to do much else
Got up early, took a pen to his hand
and started to draw

Day wore on, but a moment's rest
the Great Maker didn't give himself
Like in ecstasy, because He wanted you
The Master crafted you

A beautiful image
Oh, a miracle indeed
Form Divine and better inside
And next to the image he noted that
the laws of mortals won't apply to this one

For those who still doubt the Creator
I say in response,
That, if they even once would see you
They would not have a chance but believe

Anna Puu: Mestaripiirros
My own free translation

[to learn]

2011-09-08T20:07:00.000+01:00

can't do much for the world
but find myself from the mirror/
and live from the heart
with desire and passion/
serve those
who come to my path
with overflowing joy/
to love them without
term or condition
or a small print at all/
and to stand up again
if I happen to fall/
swim faster
if i happen to take a dive/
For the "Glory of God is
a man fully alive."/

[What Pollutes Your Life]

2011-09-06T10:02:00.001+01:00

It is said here, plain and simple. What is in our hearts determines what comes out. That's why we need to guard our hearts. That's why we need out hearts to be healed. That's why we need to take good care or our hearts, be gentle and kind to them. Heart is the core of our being, it is what we believe of ourselves, or others and of God. What do you believe in your heart this morning? Does your heart feel lonely, rejected, left out, jealous or proud? Does your heart feel joyful, peaceful, satisfied, loved, excited?

After that, Pharisees and religion scholars came to Jesus all the way from Jerusalem, criticizing, "Why do your disciples play fast and loose with the rules?"

But Jesus put it right back on them. "Why do you use your rules to play fast and loose with God's commands? God clearly says, 'Respect your father and mother,' and, 'Anyone denouncing father or mother should be killed.' But you weasel around that by saying, 'Whoever wants to, can say to father and mother, What I owed to you I've given to God.' That can hardly be called respecting a parent. You cancel God's command by your rules. Frauds! Isaiah's prophecy of you hit the bull's-eye:

   These people make a big show of saying the right thing,
      but their heart isn't in it.
   They act like they're worshiping me,
      but they don't mean it.
   They just use me as a cover
      for teaching whatever suits their fancy."

He then called the crowd together and said, "Listen, and take this to heart. It's not what you swallow that pollutes your life, but what you vomit up."

Later his disciples came and told him, "Did you know how upset the Pharisees were when they heard what you said?"

Jesus shrugged it off. "Every tree that wasn't planted by my Father in heaven will be pulled up by its roots. Forget them. They are blind men leading blind men. When a blind man leads a blind man, they both end up in the ditch."

Peter said, "I don't get it. Put it in plain language."

Jesus replied, "You, too? Are you being willfully stupid? Don't you know that anything that is swallowed works its way through the intestines and is finally defecated? But what comes out of the mouth gets its start in the heart. It's from the heart that we vomit up evil arguments, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, lies, and cussing. That's what pollutes. Eating or not eating certain foods, washing or not washing your hands—that's neither here nor there." Matt. 15: 1-20

["Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."]

2011-09-05T08:47:00.001+01:00

It really dawned to me this morning, perhaps the most deathly of all sins is pride. I've been reading the Gospels from the Message translation and enjoying the joy, revelation and power of words Jesus speaks. Words of life, words of freedom, words of transformation. Strict words against self-righteousness and religious systems, obligation, control or isolation.

Jesus resumed talking to the people, but now tenderly. "The Father has given me all these things to do and say. This is a unique Father-Son operation, coming out of Father and Son intimacies and knowledge. No one knows the Son the way the Father does, nor the Father the way the Son does. But I'm not keeping it to myself; I'm ready to go over it line by line with anyone willing to listen.
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matt. 11:27-30

[7. The Sun And The Moon]

2011-09-01T19:57:00.001+01:00

Daniel broke the king's decree,
Peter stepped from the ship to the sea
there was hope for Job like a cut down tree,
I hope that there's such hope for me
dust be on my mind's conceptions
and anything I thought I knew
each word of my lips' description,
and on all that I compare to You
the preference of the sun was
to the south side of the farm
I planted to the north in a terra-cotta pot
blind as I'd become, I used to wonder where you are-
these days I can't find where you're not!

mine's been a yard carefully surgace level tended
foxes burrowed underground
my gardening so highly self-recommended,
what could I have done but let you down?

the sun and the moon,
I want to see both worlds as One!

mine's been a vivid story, dimly remembered
and by the hundredth time it's told, halfway true
of bad behavior well engendered
what good is each good thing we think we do?

find a friend and stay close and with a melting heart
tell them whatever you're most ashamed of-
our parents have made so many mistakes,
but may we forgive them and forgive ourselves

the sun and the moon are my Father's eyes

-mewithoutyou

[sometimes when the morning comes]

2011-08-31T21:14:00.001+01:00

“People say that I’m amazing, never face defeat, but they don’t see the enemies that lay me at Your feet. They don’t know that I go running home when I fall down, they don’t know who picks me up when no one is around. I drop my sword & look up for a smile, cause deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child.”
- Twila Paris

When I wake up I need to fight of this heavy
conviction of feeling of failing
not measuring up
and having no one to blame

Like of what I look from the outside and inside of me
don't match
And there isn't even one who wants to see in

But I can't dwell there or it kills me soon
kills the soul, kills hope, kills faith
kills grace, kills rather rapidly,
a murder in a minute

I'm not a stand alone player,
it's harder to remember the truth
when there is no one to bounce it of
but I somehow feel I should learn
If not willing to let foothold for someone
in this territory
YOU have seen me
before and beyond and after
YOU rescue me
YOU are not ashamed
YOU see and still and yet and even though
and
YOU want me

[Thanks Mr Jobs, for inspiration]

2011-08-26T08:26:00.001+01:00

“Creativity is just connecting things. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t really do it, they just saw something. It seemed obvious to them after a while. That’s because they were able to connect experiences they’ve had and synthesise new things. And the reason they were able to do that was that they’ve had more experiences or they have thought more about their experiences than other people.
- Steve Jobs on Creativity

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.” [Stanford commencement speech, June 2005]

“Some people are saying that we ought to put an IBM PC on every desk in America to improve productivity. It won’t work. The special incantations you have to learn this time are the “slash q-zs” and things like that. The manual for WordStar, the most popular word-processing program, is 400 pages thick. To write a novel, you have to read a novel––one that reads like a mystery to most people. They’re not going to learn slash q-z any more than they’re going to learn Morse code. That is what Macintosh is all about.” [Playboy, Feb. 1, 1985]

***

“The only problem with Microsoft is they just have no taste. They have absolutely no taste. And I don’t mean that in a small way, I mean that in a big way, in the sense that they don’t think of original ideas, and they don’t bring much culture into their products.”

“I am saddened, not by Microsoft’s success — I have no problem with their success. They’ve earned their success, for the most part. I have a problem with the fact that they just make really third-rate products.” [Triumph of the Nerds, 1996]

“When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” [Stanford commencement speech, June 2005]

***

“I think if you do something and it turns out pretty good, then you should go do something else wonderful, not dwell on it for too long. Just figure out what’s next.” [NBC Nightly News, May 2006]

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” [Stanford commencement speech, June 2005]

[right here]

2011-08-21T19:43:00.000+01:00

My beloved is mine, and I am his.
Nightly he strolls in our garden,
Delighting in the flowers
until dawn breathes its light and night slips away.

["Down the street we would run"]

2011-08-20T14:41:00.004+01:00

Hey God,
What's up with this?

Continuously you walk in
from somewhere outside of my little logic
Very healing it is
and refreshingly leaves me puzzled
and smiling inside
utterly furious
Can't help but agree
when you keep me on my toes
Can't keep my guard up
Hush you off
Why do you have to
and how do you make me feel so
alive in myself?

"You took me in gave me something to believe in
That big old smile is all you wore"

[walk into]

2011-08-05T15:19:00.001+01:00

Chasing dreams somewhere along goes the path

[sic*]

2011-08-04T21:35:00.000+01:00

[...
grip so hard on those promises
of never to be left alone
knuckles white
breath breath again
how the future dreams of us
i still feel so blind
would you ever care to know
construction
blueprint of
this that might never be
bring out of this fear
...]

[yeah]

2011-07-23T14:06:00.000+01:00

we grow in trees.

2011-07-19T22:23:00.002+01:00

[Venerdì di pioggia]

2011-07-15T13:49:00.000+01:00

Ieri sera credo che un angelo entrò da mia porta
O un'altra luce tagliente e la pace - un piacevole
INTERRUZIONE al mio rigirarsi dei sogni
Ero stato a casa dei sogni
quella che cresce nella foresta o
forse era una foresta che cresce in esso
nella giungla d'asfalto.
Nevermind, sapevo perché ero lì, stavo cercando il tempo
quando ho sentito che nulla sarebbe mai cambiato (e tutto è cambiato).
Non potresti scuotendo mentre a fare la spesa oggi
da qualche parte tra le nettarine e mele, o forse
yogurt greco e edam, eri lì.
Pienamente consapevole che non avevo il diritto di intrattenere quel desiderio,
nessun diritto di tenerti lì, per chiedere se avessimo prendere le olive e quello che
sul caffè etiope (dovrebbe essere fairtrade) e
anacardi (organico, va bene ?)... Ma ho davvero voluto condividere
con voi questa esperienza mi fai così banali
pieno di sapore.
Come hai detto tu, quando si punta qualcosa che mettere in evidenza quelli
Non avrei mai pensato inizialmente, ma sembrano così validi ora
e intrigante.
Mille altri ti hanno voluto troppo, si tende a confondere la migliore
e so che abbiamo concordato su questo, non so cosa fare,
Non so dove diret i miei pensieri e non so è
è solo qualcosa che si fanno sentire le persone, io non lo so.
Anche se mi sarebbe ammettere che vorrei, io non sono sicuro di sapere come aprire le porte diluvio, che è quello che è una volta di profondità che non posso prevedere.
Il cielo mi aiuti.
C'è qualcosa di vero in questo, si è disposti a prendere dei bui e vedere e lasciare le luci, le mille domande e tanti piccoli sentieri con tutti i loro turni in modo eccentrico navetta, vi guiderà con me?
E io non voglio imporre nulla, basta aspettare.

[awaken]

2011-07-14T10:57:00.000+01:00

shivering 5.15am wake up/
to the brightest morning/
sun where brisk flying horses/
had been brushed up been dusted/
came in to my dream with shiny prizes/
they had published us in the dream/
and it made me feel so confused/
you are my mountain where/
I have no permission to conquer so/
I will wait for the mirror that shows/
one captivating/
and pursued/
and an essential part of./

[About "Falling" in love]

2011-07-11T16:38:00.001+01:00

This is a chapter that I found from http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationship/features/26152-what-to-do-when-love-disappoints Flippin' genius. Read it! (the original too)

"Falling" in Love

I find it fascinating that our entire society’s view of love is based on such a spontaneous and unintentional action like “falling.” As a professional counselor, I have heard the word “falling” used to describe the act of entering into relationship on more than one occasion. Men and women struck so deeply by the emotion of love that they couldn’t resist it; they just “fell in love.”

Falling in love. An act over which one has seemingly no control. A movement of the heart that cannot be resisted. A desire of the flesh that cannot be satisfied until its thirst has been quenched. A chemistry, a spark, an emotional explosion that can neither be explained nor denied. A feeling that can plague the heart of men and women across all races, cultures and social classes.

It’s a beautiful concept. It’s the stuff fairy tales and Hollywood movies are made of. It’s the heart-fluttering, forehead-sweating, word-stuttering, stomach-knotting disease of love that cannot seem to be controlled by the people it infects. You can’t breathe, can’t think and can’t live without the object of your affection. It’s love, you see. Love at its finest.

Or is it?

Feelings and emotions are a valuable part of who we are as human beings. God gave them to us for a very special reason. They are the compass that points us toward the general direction we need to go. But sometimes, even compasses are not enough. Sometimes, even compasses get it wrong. Feelings are an incredible resource—but they were not made to stand alone.

Excitement, exhilaration, pleasure and thrill are the emotional components to a really great batch of “love.” But what happens when the feelings aren’t so right? Exhaustion, suffering, pain and disappointment. Broken dreams, hopes and even broken promises. What happens to love, then? I have the unfortunate role of seeing the foundations crumble for those who have built their relationships on the emotional sand of “falling in love.” When the rain comes, when the wind blows, those who took the unintentional fall of love find themselves unintentionally falling right back out of it.

That’s the thing I learned about the “feeling” of love—it was never meant to stand alone. It was never intended to be used as a noun: an object, a thing, a feeling, an idea. To do so is to do the concept of love a grave injustice. To do so is to reject the very definition of how God has asked us to love (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). The most dangerous part about the myth of falling in love is that it is based on a definition that has no sense of predictability or control. It offers no guarantees. If you can fall into it, you can surely fall out of it. It’s no wonder our country’s divorce rate hovers around 50 percent, with divorce among Christians tagging right along.

The truth is, love was never just intended to be, it was intended to do. DC Talk had it right when they wrote the song “Love Is a Verb” (or rather, “luv”). That’s the truth.

Frankly, it’s the hardest verb you will ever do. It’s a verb that requires a selflessness and altruism beyond any other experience on earth. It’s a verb that is not always felt but must always be chosen. It is a commitment to do what is right, even though the one standing before you may be entirely undeserving.

[≈LJmorningness≈]

2011-06-18T11:54:00.000+01:00

small things that matter.
to have a large strong milky coffee
and a half of gallon of tea
for drinks at breakfast.
I like my drinks like I like men,
strong and gentle. [Haha.]

It could have been something
in the lack of sleep
but a night well rested
sense of freedom
that brought hope
I was smiling inside. [Haha.]

Sudden realization that I knew
so much, so many so near and far,
my treasures, these hidden connections
underlying and flying
across oceans and lands and mountains
It is called the Kingdom come. [Haha.]

I bought two small trees with a hope
of a home and thought of
a man who shares his food
and didn't dare to wish but
decided to live and laugh and
be carefree. What is yours is
not away from me. Joy
so contagious. [Haha.]

[0.07]

2011-06-08T23:32:00.000+01:00

So if dying then just feels like
one is dying and has no life
And if breaking feels like
heart breaks and it aches

In You I find my place
All I need is to love
and let you love through me.
And trust
You make something beautiful
Out of me.

••here I am••

2011-06-08T18:19:00.001+01:00

if I am not from here
I was born where rainbows are stored
if I am not from here
I came from where flowers are before
they blossom
if I am not from here
I am home in your laughter

Before I was
You saw my face
Before I was
Softly You spoke to me
Before I was
I was known by you and you alone

You had a dream
and made me in to being
Now here I am
Send me.

[00.07]

2011-05-30T23:57:00.000+01:00

would you just hold my hand
and sit with me here, quiet
hold me that i know we are
still real
listen to the quiet
still until morning

after dawn
if we don't tell them
the rocks would cry out
but i am so afraid
tangled in my own perception
infinite
shake off jealousy
shake off disappointment
even if bare would hurt more
don't let them clothe you

teach my heart to smile
we are not there yet

O.O

2011-05-27T00:04:00.001+01:00

[i like this man
honestly
he looks so directly at me
without fear
gentle but strong
i don't think i could tame this one
which makes it fun
all i can do is to wait
let him decide
make up his mind
i take no control

And no, he's not mine
I don't think he is anyones
in this place we don't own people
if you love
you let them go
fly free
and come back]

[a puzzle piece]

2011-05-25T02:05:00.000+01:00

You seem to bring the best out of me
at least, I really want to be all I can
And when you pay attention
You make me feel at home
And I readily forgive when you don't
and yet I don't feel like I deserve you
There are thousand of others
Who would be happy with you too
Yet you make me constantly smile and
I like the way you think
And I like
But I don't know how I feel about it
As I know how you feel (well you don't)
But where you want to go I want to follow
Your people are now my people too
and I would like to learn to serve you
Discover the path to your heart,
If I am allowed to go.
Could be that it is for someone else.
In that case, close the door. Quick.

[da daa da daaa]

2011-05-23T14:18:00.000+01:00

"What the water wants is hurricanes,
and sailboats to ride on its back.
What the water wants is sun kiss,
and land to run into and back.
I have a fish stone burning my elbow,
reminding me to know that I'm glad
that I have a bottle filled with my old teeth.
They fell out like a tear in the bag.
And I have a sister somewhere in Detroit
She has black hair and small hands.
And I have a kettledrum
I'll hit the earth with you.
And I will crochet you a hat.
And I have a red kite;
I'll put you right in it.
I'll show you the sky"

Brian McLaren rebuilds spirituality

2011-05-23T12:04:00.001+01:00

"“Oh I’m spiritual and not religious” is just a cop-out. But—and I think it is a cop-out—but I think it’s more than a cop-out. For a lot of people, I think it’s a very well thought-out statement. And I suggest in the book that I think people mean four things when they say, “I’m spiritual but not religious.” First they mean, “I don’t believe that secular science and politics and economics have all the answers.” But they’re also saying, “I don’t think organized religion has all the answers.” And of course, what they mean by “organized religion” is worth explanation, but what they’re saying is a widespread feeling, and that is that whatever religion is doing, it’s organizing people for the wrong purposes. It’s organizing people to go to war against each other, it’s organizing people to hate each other, it’s organizing people to just create a little wall that they throw other people out of and just protect themselves inside, and something inside people says, “I don’t think that’s what we need.” So, “I’m spiritual but not religious,” means, “I don’t think science has all the answers, I don’t think organized religion has all the answers.” And then, third, I think it means there are practices I try to engage in that keep my sensitivity and awareness to this higher dimension alive and growing, but of course, this is where the problem comes for so many people; they know this would make sense for them to do, but nobody offers them a helpful way to do that. And this is one of the great opportunities, I think, for our church is in youth groups and ministries, that if we can address that legitimate spiritual hunger in people and offer them a way of life, a path, a way of developing their life with God, rooted in the Scriptures, centered on Christ, I think this is a great opportunity and a great need we can help meet."

Read the full interview: Brian McLaren rebuilds Spirituality on RELEVANT magazine

[0.40]

2011-05-10T23:41:00.000+01:00

Somewhere along the way we
began to see motion as a sign of success
and transition as a sigh of progress

For this moment though
But I want to build a home
Bring all the family in
Know where we are
next week and what to eat
on Saturday night

You are amazing
you are.

Day 5. Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.

2011-05-09T11:18:00.000+01:00

[Flying tigers with wings
hiding in the bushes
surround this barred ground
that refused to stop producing
Have to constantly remind myself
goodness doesn't have to be
deserved
or owned
just to breathe it in
and stay present]

Ultimately, I know that God is the one who makes my heart come alive.
He is the author and creator my identity, my life, my living and my breathing.
He makes me beautiful.

These songs make my heart become alive too:
http://andreamariecarr.bandcamp.com/album/live-devotional-worship-08

And for these few past days, I want to thank Soul Survivor Ministry team,
Musicians, Intercessors, Worshippers, My brothers at HuizeHoog

and my team.

[To not to be jealous, but to love, to laugh
to stay here with you even when
the winds carry me
thousand miles away
beyond new shores
of adventure
One day
Better is a one day]

[Vrijdag Re-imagined]

2011-05-06T19:10:00.002+01:00

when i look i see reality that resembles
things i was only able to imagine
but how to stay in close proximity
breath in and believe

notes that need to be put in order on the scale
stereo sound
i doubt myself but not you

you told me
speechless words i heard
skin deep

[song for fridays]

2011-04-29T09:12:00.000+01:00

New favourite song for Friday mornings,
"...You make us sparkle and you make us shine
Like the stars who sing on your chorus line
Through space and time we'll harmonize
Where deep meets deep like the ocean meets the sky
Yeah

The sun and the moon
They come out of their grave just for you
The dead man and the cynical too
They're coming out of their grave
And it's just for you
Cause the love of God is stronger
The love of God is stronger
The love of God is stronger
Than the power of death..."

[utopia of passion and understanding ]

2011-04-14T18:25:00.000+01:00

On Thursdays I love conspiracy theories
that fresh smell of fair trade coffee
and random patterns of the world economics

Miss having you by my side
debating about why not are why should we
all in good agreement

We don't want to try to entertain you
make you happy with a good program
but to open up the storages of joy

Not to tell you how things are
but to teach you to learn
to find your voice while listening to those present and past

Can we see a new generation rise
saying we don't want revenge
we don't want to buy buy buy and consume to find who we are

to serve, to laugh, to play
to be together and to care
Brew me a silent revolution

[Come&Live! tour in NZ]

2011-04-14T13:00:00.001+01:00

Next month I'll be traveling in the Netherlands and the UK, and then
in July I'll be touring in Finland and seeing this really encouraged me
and connected to what I want to see on the road.
May I walk with similar compassion and authority.

NEW ZEALAND {Our Story} | A Come&Live! Documentary from Come&Live! on Vimeo.
Join us as we take you on a journey through our first-ever International tour/missions trip in the beautiful country of New Zealand.
Our heartfelt appreciation and equally huge "Thank You!" to: The epic country of New Zealand and every new friend whom we had the privilege of meeting along the way. You guys are amazing! To the Father, Son and Holy Spirit for being the lifter of our weary heads and needy hearts.

Thanks for watching!

If you were encouraged or impacted let us know and share this video with others.

Give. Love. Share. Revive.

For more information: http://www.comeandlive.com or email info@comeandlive.com

[Let's change the world!]

2011-04-07T18:26:00.001+01:00

Come On! // Director's Cut from 24-7 Prayer on Vimeo.
Prayer changes things. Prayer changes us, and prayer changes the world around us.
This is your invitation to change.
Come On, Let's change the world!

[on joyful wings]

2011-03-30T10:59:00.000+01:00

<a href="http://onjoyfulwings.bandcamp.com/track/the-dress-looks-nice-on-you">The Dress Looks Nice On You by On Joyful Wings</a>

[about heaven and hell]

2011-03-30T01:22:00.000+01:00

often times i'm rather convinced that the question
who goes to hell is not the most relevant in christianity...
...but how can we rescue those who already are living in hell (on earth)

don't let this be escapism or a group hallucination
but an army of lovers (who serve in the name of love and truth)
follow our Messiah
(Jesus Christ)
with all their heart and mind and soul and actions
and serve others with joy and peace and wisdom and gratitude.

From someone who doesn't believe in God, I would like to
ask what is their worldview, how do they know what is good,
where do they go when they are afraid or failed.
Not for the sake of argument, but to understand.
As for me and my house, we need God.
And are rather fond of Him. It's love I'd say. ;)

[spring sprang sprung]

2011-03-28T16:08:00.001+01:00

"I've loved those hazy creatures of morning mist
even though rarely I'm awake before the burning sun
has scattered them, delicate beings,
perhaps I should wait for the rain,
a permission to stop performing"

[it's question time]

2011-03-28T01:42:00.002+01:00

Few questions I have asked recently:

When do you feel most alive? How do you view success? What keeps you going? Who do you spend your time with? What do you do when the world around you stops making sense? What kind of legacy do you plan to leave behind? Who do you invest in and who invests in you?

Today I really enjoyed the opportunities to share food, stories, questions, doubts and hopes with friends. Kind things were spoken to me, which was very encouraging, as I don't tend to very easily share of my dreams and hopes and plans, as I'm never quite sure how they would be received and if I'm just being ridiculous and setting myself up to another failure. I should really learn though, as these are things where I will need support and company of those whom I love and who love me back. :)

Also, spoke today with someone who questions Christianity a lot and obviously is not quite convinced by the people in our community having and sharing faith and praying etc. It was really refreshing and I thought they were cool and I would love to talk with them more, so please God provide opportunities and apologetics is like one of my favourite things and I just feel so alive when discussing about matters of faith and life.

Every now and then Relevant Magazine comes up with an amazing article, and this one

"50 ideas that changed everything (in the last 8 years)" was definitely one of those.

Kind of out of those 50 ideas at least 35 I was able to recognise and relate
and they pretty well described

much of the worldview I have and the faith I try to live out.
Interestingly too, the same eight years that

Relevant has existed have pretty much been the same
amount of time as I have been seriously

exploring to live according to my faith and
according to God. So when "In March 2003 we (the Relevant magazine)

set out to make a magazine that gave voice to the conversations
defining the lives and worldview of our generation"
- I'd say well done, I've grown my twenty-somethings with this worldview being shaped

and cultivated and embraced and explored and questioned and searched. And here I am, this

year turning 28 and loving the ability to do all that in a community
that I call family that stretches across the globe.
As in Swedish we would toast: "Skål!" to 2011 and next eight years
and journey of faith!

[icon of a season]

2011-03-16T00:54:00.000Z

felt so happy today. blessed by friendships and opportunities.
and i really need to hear you God with these choices to come.
hope these images brighten your day. they speak of summer to me.

[got all theological] Part II

2011-03-11T20:17:00.000Z

So maybe salvation is more than just having faith in Jesus
being Lord and dying for you on a cross, (though that is the
very point where it begins, and nothing can reduce that
and we probably hardly even understand the meaning and
cost of that) but maybe it is also about
all things God:
He makes all things new.
love. joy. peace. grace. mercy.
forgiveness. justice. generosity.
anything real and pure and true
and what makes relationship.
Then heaven is more than just about us getting away from here,
to somewhere better, it is kingdom of God invading earth.

I think everything true, everything beautiful, everything good,
authentic and sacrificial love,
all that comes from God and from God alone,
even if that person that it comes through from
doesn't know or believe in him.
There is no goodness apart from God.
Therefore, I don't know if there is such a physical place
(my theological understanding is not good enough)
as hell, or if people get there,
but I know that separation from God
is hell itself. It's when hope, trust, love,
dignity, faith, healing, beauty and forgiveness
would be absent, stripped away.

We don't carve or sculpt images of God and bow them.
He carved us as his image, and we can bow to him.
Be a living sacrifice. Live like it matters.
Be a temple of his presence.

Give others opportunity to see what you see.
Fall in love with God, and be in love with him,
talk about him and the things you love about him.

Sabbath shalom.

Questions?

[got all theological] Part I

2011-03-10T13:11:00.000Z

Believing is having faith in something.
Having faith to something is to trust in their ways.
Trusting someones ways leads to following them.
To follow is to have your living, walking and thinking
guided by something.
Who do you follow?
I try to follow Jesus.
"All of us make decisions every day about
what is important, how to treat people, and what to do
do with our lives." - R.Bell, Velvet Elvis, p.19

Following Jesus to me is
about believing that forgiving matters,
believing in sacrificial love,
believing in generosity,
believing in pursuing peace,
believing in healing of hearts, minds and bodies.
It is not about making converts
but discipling (the nations!) -
teaching others what Jesus taught.
So every time you help someone to understand something
new about kingdom of God and God and ways Jesus spoke of,
to get to know about who Jesus is, it is
to be obedient to what Jesus told us to do.
Without control or manipulation or blackmail.
What is kingdom of God then?

Simply:
It is where we tell good news to the poor,
the broken hearts are get bind up,
where the prisoners are released from darkness,
those who mourn get comfort,
those who grieve are being provided for,
where ancient ruins are restored
and destroyed cities are rebuilt...
Kingdom of heaven belongs to those of poor in spirit,
there meek will inherit the earth,
those who hunger for justice are filled.

"So the way of Jesus is not about religion: it's about reality.
It is about lining yourself up with how things really are."
- R.B. Velvet Elvis, p. 21

[monday morning song]

2011-03-07T13:23:00.002Z

you make my heart alive

kasvetaan isoiksi
huusivat narsissit
tanssiessaan auringossa

muuttolinnut tulevat
aamuruskon peurojen siivillä
lentävät kotiin
liian pienten talojen maista

tulkaa lapset mennään kotiin

rakastan
ilman vihaa
ilman pelkoa
ilman pettymystä
ilman katkeruutta

haavani kasvavat umpeen
toivoa on
[kaiku]

sanat muuttuvat lauluiksi
pimeyden silmät eivät näe meitä
eivät saa kiinni ennen valkeuden teitä

uuuu-uuuu-uuu-uuuu-uuu

rakastan

[mercy always wins]

2011-02-28T13:48:00.001Z

Just an image I drew this morning as warm up for work today.
"I choose to believe in Spring. Aslan is on the move"

[you.]

2011-02-22T00:30:00.000Z

violent to pursue
wild to tame
gentle to keep
fire to hold

me

those waves washed you to shore
I thought I'd recognised you
but it wasn't until I heard your voice
I knew
I knew
you had been there all the time
in the dreams in the sunshine in the mist in the laughter
in everything that mattered and
in the wind
afterwards they must've found the path of our footsteps
in the sand
we'd ran away
to the mountain
swam through the stream
to a adventure that waited
not looking back.

[butterflies and fairies]

2011-02-19T03:17:00.000Z

just maybe this place
has broken my heart
once too many
it never looked at me
saying let's bathe together
in sunshine
cocooning in the fire
be who you are
didn't let me touch it's soul
grasp, take hold,
see in to it's words deep enough
just built empty walls
echoing promises
showing off being better
my luxury is born from shared labour
fighting together
partnership
to be reborn
every morning
i'm tempted to
fold in my wings
pack up
shake of the dust
let memories turn into ash
carry on.

Day 4. Style 31. Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.

2011-02-14T23:05:00.002Z

Day 4 on Project 31 was to Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.
I didn't have a decent photo of my current favorite outfit, so I posted
instead a collection of photos that explain a little of my style and
show quite few of my current favorite items of clothing.
You will find the photos here (or click the title under the top banner)

I'd like to think that my style is quite simple but versatile, friends give
sometimes me a feedback of looking glamorous which is funny because
I think I'm mostly practical. But may it be a marriage of glamour and practical.
I love clothes that have unique details, have feminine edge but are comfortable
and compliment my mood and feeling and personality.
As a good Finn I've got a selection of scarfs. Many of my outfit photos
seem to have borrowed items. I am clothed by my family and community.
Best accessories also seem to be beautiful friends :D
My favorite outfit would also exactly be that, a collection of items
that work together and form an outfit that reflects my mood, myself,
show my character, don't show too much, and fit to the occasion.
Somehow I love these lines from the vision poem by Pete Greig:
"...They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive, on the inside
On the outside they hardly care
They wear costumes to communicate, and to celebrate
But never to hide..."

Only thing here is that sometimes I do dress to hide. It's a solemn defence mechanism.

Forgive me. Just wait and watch and see.

Few random thoughts that flowed from my mind today:
born a royalty without a land to rule/
nomad flying with the wind rooted in you/
discoveries of true garden of delight/
depth of never-ending/
between scars there was a lot of soft skin/
between the lines a lot of silence/
knowing and still being there/
love supreme

Day 3. Who is someone you know who inspires beauty?

2011-02-10T12:58:00.002Z

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." - This is what I would call beauty.

I've been tremendously blessed with some amazing friends that I call my brothers. Most of them are like what I think David's army must have been.
Awesome, reckless, strategic, beautiful, fearless, gentle, loving and caring.
Dangerous but kind. They have often rescued me from many kinds of troubles and lifted me up when I've been down low. They inspire me to become more beautiful, to learn to love them unconditionally, to support them to be godly warrior men and to serve them and others.
Time spent with them inspires
me to be more feminine,
their presence and kind words liberates me to be
more me, their taking care of me let's me to be a princess
and just to be and smile.

Often it is the little things they say that encourage and bless my soul,
and make me feel much more beautiful and then shine it out.
Like here is one quote: "Love how Gods creation and your creativity blends together.
Awesome to see the result of this afternoon :) You look good bE!" How inspiring!

Day 2. What makes you uniquely you?

2011-02-09T17:20:00.001Z

The question itself holds an answer or statement, because there is
only one me to begin with, no one or nothing else could be quite me.
We all are a unique combination of experiences, talents, gifts,
skills, looks, characteristics, strengths and weaknesses.
What is then this combination that makes me, well, me, what
are these ingredients and how would they be described.
It is actually harder to write a recipe of self that you first think,
as many words could describe thousand others too.
But what are the very small things, that I think that make
me stand out from the crowd, or someone to remember me,
or how would someone describe me
to someone who hasn't ever met me.

Friends would say that I'm creative, loving, radical, beautiful,
glamorous, strong, servant hearted and full of light. Ability
to hold on to these and shine these attributes within any
circumstances would be something to be pursued.
I'd hope that the intensity with what I carry these things would be unique.
To burn bright, to live deep and to encounter life with expectation
of adventure and discovery would be me.

I've lived in many places
(at least 24 houses, at least 7 families, visited 30+countries)
and met many people, and it leaves a mark on you.
I hope that mark on me
would be positive, a unique ability to communicate
and to listen and to see.
Ability to adjust and make life anywhere.

I am a storyteller. Give me a piece of paper and a pen, or ask me a question
and let me release my imagination. Hopefully I would be able to
harness that ability more into innovation, to make things out of things.

A pool of creativity and strategy.
A bucketful of pursuit to develop self, others and things.
A song of worship and intimacy.
Pinch of exotic spices on Finnish cheekbones.
Endless love for philosophy, understanding,
theology, images and stories.
Spoonful of laughter, dance,
daydreams and a whole stack of lists for things to do.
Add light and colour.
Draw deep shadows and brilliant highlights.
Talk to me.
Let gently rise and shine. Enjoy when hot.

And somewhere there, is a unique recipe of me.

[mennyttä]

2011-02-08T00:09:00.001Z

yeah you are right partly i do blame you
something that was a good beginning was killed
in such a cruel way
not that i really wanted anything
but i would have been curious to see
now something so wild and natural
is boxed in and carried away
caged
and i don't know if you will ever really see it again
i don't know ways to be angry
except for the way i am
self destructive
fluffy ones always die first
brokenness that carries so much beauty
poisonous
don't come close to hurt me
i will not let you see in
would anything else heal this thing
but a pursuit
of a madman, a vagabond
or a king
and i've lost a hope in that
no evidence

2011-02-05T15:40:00.000Z

The new breed of revivalist that the Lord is releasing across the earth walks in supernatural confidence and boldness because they have been with Jesus and abide in Him. They are His friends and follow after Him passionately. Risk-taking will be their signature. And these emerging faith-filled lovers of God will transform the world.

— Banning Liebscher

http://changingtheatmosphere.tumblr.com/

This quote was way too good to not to be borrowed again. :)

Day 1. What does beauty mean to you?

2011-01-26T13:17:00.002Z

Beauty.

Awhile ago a friend told me, after searching for words for a moment
that I looked what they called "radiantly satisfied"
that evening. I think that is one of the best compliments I have received for
some time. That is what beauty for me often is, when beauty speaks to me most.
It's most powerful when you can't quite describe it in words, when you can't quite put
your finger on it, but it is something that momentarily captures and captivates,
makes you feel that everything is going to be well, breathtaking but
also very mundane and yet radiant, contagious.
Beauty can be physical, it can be spiritual, it can be in a connection between
two things, two people, two elements. Beauty is an extra step that a friend
walked to encourage you, a wild leap of faith, courage that someone showed
in defending others and standing against injustice, beauty can be words that
make you cry when they sink in to your heart, smile from a stranger or chords played with skill.

Beauty changes, reflects, glows, shimmers and shines, matures and is born again.
Beauty forgives plenty. Beauty laughs with things not for them.
Authentic beauty is true and raw and doesn't seek for it's own glory but
shines on and loves those around it. Gentle beauty is loving and caring.
Authentic beauty is wild, inviting and calling, it calls to seek it's mysteries.

My brother Jack used a quote which says that women are the most beautiful
when they know they are loved.
Although sometimes we hide in to beauty as a defence,
I think it is still true.

"Is beauty a perspective
merely how we look at things
or a matter defined by your eyes
in a figure, posture or position
or is it when we are blind
is it safe or tamed or commanded
let out to please or tease
a power, a gift or a curse
painfully compared"

Project 31.

2011-01-26T00:28:00.001Z

I came across this idea in my friend's Sonja's blog,
http://wwwwindroadsonja.blogspot.com/
and kind of liked the idea, not sure where it would be
leading, but decided to give it a go!
Sonja wrote:
"I've been following a wonderful blog (http://mandysuzannereid.blogspot.com/). This wonderful woman started this project called : Project 31. The name comes from Proverbs 31. It was so inspiring that I decided to join this."

So welcome to follow my take on it!
I'll try to also post an image or two
on each day I'll be blogging. Hope you enjoy
my journey into beauty :)

Project 31 (Questions from Mandy's blog)

~~Day 1. What does beauty mean to you?~~

~~Day 2. What makes you uniquely you?~~

Day 3. Who is someone you know who inspires beauty?
Day 4. Style 31. Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.

Day 5. Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.

Day 6. Jaded beauty. Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?

Day 7. Write a blog to encourage another beautiful woman.

Day 8. Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)? Share, please!

Day 9. What virtues do you value in yourself?

Day 10. What is Jesus teaching you as a wife, mom, or friend? (Or just woman in general?)

Day 11. Post a recipe. Or if you don't cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!).

Day 12. Write about what wears you out as a woman.

Day 13. Write about something you would like to change about yourself for the better.

Day 14. Style 31. Post an outfit pic!

Day 15. Write to encourage a friend. Inspire her beauty.

Day 16. Write a letter to your daughter, or a young girl in your life. Tell her what beauty means.

Day 17. Write about 3 things that make you happy.

Day 18. Describe your personality.

Day 19. Write about your favorite comfort food (we are women- we ALL have comfort food!)

Day 20. Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.

Day 21. Write a letter to your husband to encourage him (or if you are single- your future husband.)

Day 22. What are some needs that need to be met in your community? Blog about how to extend your hand to those who need you.

Day 23. What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses?

Day 24. What is Jesus teaching you presently?

Day 25. Style 31. Post a pic of your favorite comfy clothes.

Day 26. What do you hope your grandchildren will say about you someday when you are gone?

Day 27. Write a blog to encourage someone and build their confidence!

Day 28. Write about your insecurities as a woman.

Day 29. Write about "a day in the life of me." (Pics are great!)

Day 30. Who is your role model as a woman?

Day 31. Write about your dreams and goals as a beautiful woman!

[Dialog.]

2011-01-19T15:09:00.001Z

‎"...just remind me when i can't see/
hold me when i can't feel/
speak truth when all i hear is lies/
worn out or despised/
tickle me with laughter/
he-he-hey/ look in the mirror, King's daughter, tired of fighting".../
running around/
hey there is more/
circles getting smaller/
hey take it easy/ take it easy/ breath.
All the brightest lights dance with the rhythm I am learning/
Close your eyes and smile at me/
I can't take it all in it's so intoxicating/
Fairy tale of my life except it is all true/
With lions and foxes and dark corners/
If we just don't care just don't care/
But shout it out from the rooftops and lean and leap
and babe,

you are on your way there.

may all this stir you spirit, your soul,

your heart. open the unlocked, that

you thought is not possible,

not even there.

may secrets be drawn to the surface,

to be searched and known.

You are possible.

[Unanswered.]

2011-01-14T02:41:00.000Z

Forgive me I never let you save me
I couldn't let anyone that close
and where I stand strength is now a weakness
Sick of it all.
All I am is small and scared.

Crash and burn and resign.
Need to learn to trust
Need to learn to be loved
Forgive me.

Frozen tears streaming down
Stings
Being who I am sometimes just kills me
When I could've never been the sun of your universe
For I am a shooting star
And nothing short of a meteorite
Could fly with ones that shine like this
And play rock hard.
When sorrow built a house for lost lost love and words
(that were never even said or thought or done not even possibility)
Maybe we will once burn it down and dance around the fire
with flowers in our hair.
Will there be enough of courage to conquer the brick walled garden?
Enough oxygen to dive to the depths for the hidden treasure?

Always one step ahead
A curse I bear well
One day will come
to take the Leading Part.
Diamonds from ashes.

brilliance in shadows

2010-12-26T22:48:00.000Z

sometimes i wish i'd know what to ask

how to let you know

give me the right questions

shall we expect great things

and

hungry, thirsty,

one thing I ask

all tones of glory

all shades of things to come.

[If.]

2010-12-16T19:42:00.001Z

I don't even want to pretend
you would find out anyway
see how yeah actually yeah
I have no idea
and the dreams that are there
I suddenly just felt so very protective
It was when I wasn't fully sure
if you were being genuine
or would you run after others
Affection
Affliction
So weird
It paralyses my thinking
and my defence rises
Don't want to get hurt
Don't want to get close
But I like what I see
And I like the way you are
And let me be
And share the what I have
Just give me some time
to learn to trust
and to trust my senses
and let down my defences
Learn to live
in this village of the world.

[Invitation Only]

2010-12-08T00:13:00.000Z

Would you build with me a home
under the waterfall
Where light meets raindrops
turns them to diamonds of all
colours of the spectrum
Would you have with me many sons
sons of thunder
fierce and gentle like the wind
Raise them to go to the ends of the earth
and joyfully grief when they are do.

I smile. If only I would.

To look like a spring day
crowned young like blossoming trees
or the very first winter morning
painted with lace of frost
Not a problem to be solved
but a mystery to be enjoyed
Carrying the scars of lessons learnt
Complicated becomes simple
I am not your answer.
Patchwork of details drawing a match
when you stand only an arms length away.

I smile. If only I would.
Hope.

[Intensité]

2010-12-01T16:30:00.000Z

When tears came down
I would not look at you
ashamed of hurting
Unpleasantly fragile
Sparkle,
So afraid
of being vulnerable
closing in
So you won't see
on the streams of dreams of
sleepless fields where I walk
Offer the strength
to drink in the beauty
come further in
see the joy.
Tame me.

Lumi

2010-11-23T01:27:00.000Z

Sweet intoxicating lullaby
shakes me up
wakes me up alive
I want to enter the storehouses of snow
and see the arsenals of hail
ignite the little flames
stretch the net of golden thread
across the lands
ja jo alkaa hyttyset ja pienet eläimet tanssimaan

chante-moi une chanson
courir avec moi
oh bonheur

[Se suloinen tainnuttava kehtolaulu
herättääkin minut eloon
tahdon käydä paikassa jossa lunta säilytetään
nähdä rakeiden varastot
sytytä pienet liekit tuleen
levitä kultalangat yli maan]

[Dear.]

2010-11-20T17:11:00.000Z

Aamuruskon peura,
hämärtyvien puiden suojassa
minä odotan
Lukemattomien erkaantuvien askelten otteessa
Idän puolella valot kertovat kodeista
aukenevan kaiun huminan laulu pakenevasta hetkestä
En pelkää pimeää
Kylkiluuton, Tule,
en ole valmis minäkään
kyllä nuo kultaiset linnut ohjaavat
seitsemän valtameren rannoille
merirosvojen aarteille
salaisille saarille
elävän veden lähteille
Tule, juostaan.

[Song for four days]

2010-11-15T00:16:00.000Z

I was born of laughter
sweet tender dreams
and of a hard labour
of warring seas.
I was raised to believe in seasons
dawn that follows every winter
spring that comes after the darkest hour.

I was born of songs of those
that fly high and free
With ablaze they soar
to paint a scenery yet to be
I was raised to believe in goodness
in everything I see
to go after evil

and rescue those captives
who in their own strength
could not flee.

[love aggressively, let it take over]

2010-11-14T23:28:00.000Z

"It’s a prayer written by missionary Betty Scott Stam, who stayed at Elisabeth Elliot’s house when Elisabeth was just a little girl and Betty was a young woman. She was on her way to China, to marry her fiancé John and join his mission work.
Elisabeth Elliot copied the prayer in her journal:

"Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Your will for my life. I give myself, my life, my all utterly to You to be Yours forever. Fill me and seal me with Your Holy Spirit. Use me as You want, send me where You want, work out Your whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever."

Betty Scott Stam meant that prayer. And God answered it. She and her husband were killed only a few years after Elisabeth first met her.
While most of us may not be called to die for our faith, we can all follow Betty’s example—by giving up all our own plans and purposes and joyfully accepting God’s will for our life.
God's will--as Elisabeth Elliot reminds us, "is always different from what [we] expect, always bigger, and, ultimately, infinitely, more glorious than [our] wildest imaginings."

___

I can't remember where I got this, it's been sitting in my draft box since May,
but I think it's great.

[..If God is a DJ Life is a dance floor..]

2010-11-03T18:22:00.000Z

one of the list

"...waves of laughter washing over me, surf in the joy, lift me up/
shaking, stirring, sandpaper the pain of professional dead ends/
grieving on the tombstone of confidence long lost/
but your honesty, your knowing of my heart so sobering/
and strong/ feels like love..."

I had a nice 5 day break when a good friend of mine was visiting,

but it also caused some major delay in a lot of things I'd

promised and some other things I really wanted to do.

Now I've worked the whole afternoon to catch up, and only got

to cross of 2 things out of 12 on my list. Whoa. I'm avoiding

to feel too overwhelmed and trying to grab hard on my surd

board to stay on top of the wave. It is a bit insane though,

and especially as I really wanted to do some of the things which

are now either have escaped my reach or I'm way too late for.

And how did things get so busy that there is no time

to sort out my own life? Need to learn to say no to things,

seriously get better disciplined and find a better space

for working, getting out from the house helps a lot too.

Thank God for God who exists though, and helps me stay sane.

And it's only 2 weeks for my birthday and I have no time or energy to think of a party, which makes me bit sad if I'd have time for sadness, It's my first Birthday in the United Kingdom.

[days of sunshine and frost]

2010-10-26T00:20:00.000+01:00

['To my band of boarders 2']

2010-10-21T11:24:00.004+01:00

We Happy Few

Once more, lend a mythic eye to your situation. Let your heart ponder this:

You awake to find yourself in the middle of a great and terrible war. It is, in fact, our most desperate hour. Your King and dearest Friend calls you forth. Awake, come fully alive, your good heart set free and blazing for him and for those yet to be rescued. You have a glory that is needed. You are given a quest, a mission that will take you deep into the heart of the kingdom of darkness, to break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron so that your people might be set free from their bleak prisons. He asks that you heal them. Of course, you will face many dangers; you will be hunted.

Would you try and do this alone?

Something stronger than Fate has chosen you. Evil will hunt you. And so a Fellowshipmust protect you.

Honestly, though he is a very brave and true Hobbit, Frodo hasn't a chance without Sam, Merry, Pippin, Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli. He will need his friends. And you will need yours. You must cling to those you have, you must search wide and far for those you do not yet have. You must not go alone. From the beginning, right there in Eden, the Enemy's strategy has relied upon a simple aim: Divide, and conquer. Get them isolated, and take them out.

You see this sort of thing at the center of every great story. Dorothy takes her journey with the Scarecrow, the Tinman, the Lion, and of course, Toto. Maximus rallies his little band and triumphs over the greatest empire on earth. When Captain John Miller is sent deep behind enemy lines to save Private Ryan, he goes in with a squad of men. And, of course, Jesus had the Twelve. This is written so deeply on our hearts: You must not go alone. The Scriptures are full of such warnings, but until we see our desperate situation, we hear it as an optional religious assembly for an hour on Sunday mornings.

Imagine you are surrounded by a small company of friends who know you well (characters, to be sure, but they love you, and you have come to love them). They understand that we are all at war, know that the purposes of God are to bring a man or woman fully alive, and are living by sheer necessity and joy in the Four Streams. They fight for you, and you for them. Imagine you could have a little fellowship of the heart. Would you want it, if it were available?

That is our destiny.

(John Eldredge: Waking The Dead , p. 186-187 )

[drawing faces]

2010-10-18T21:15:00.001+01:00

played with photoshop, layers hues saturation, really simple,

almost like stretching, while working on something more complicated.

[ella con hable]

2010-10-17T23:23:00.002+01:00

She draws sweet pictures to your words,
Writes down aberrant words for your songs.
Savage,
She was born again as a white tiger.
Controversial stretching across canvas.
Her laughter is soap bubbles on the sky
and she doesn't let you go before
the dawn paints scenery with it's golden hue.
Uncontrollably life giving
breathing strong
longing, what a beautiful word
(kaipaus mikä ihana sana)
for space that gives form for
things once dreamed off.
With tickling beams of light you drew her out of shadows
after
recognising something in her
rather priceless.
She dances around like diamonds of kaleidoscope
so don't worry if the equation always
ends up different outcome,
and yet you can't quite find loyalty
like that in anywhere beyond jonathan.
Fairies burn,
fluffy ones die,
But Hope will live to eternity.

[will fight to defend]

2010-10-11T21:20:00.002+01:00

Grant me with Wisdom.
Gentleness. Spice. Loyalty. Fierce love.

If I am,
is it too much for you, will you turn away
to
shallow waters.
Storm in me,
never quite still but
yet calmness that conquers.
Invitation to invite the mystery along.

And it is enchanting
how have you chosen to withdraw
with so much to give why do you keep it
I can see so much greatness,
son of man
but then again greater hands hidden you for season
but why
Can you see what I see
Does it take one to know one
Will you let me in
Will you accept