Me, myself and I (Episode of warrior princess development)

About a year ago my life changed quite radically,
it had been a long process and something that had been under
processing suddenly boiled over (excuse my finglish expressions
by the way, you can't please them all) and what I
had once believed to be on a way to til death does apart,
turned to be something that life aparted.
And it was good.

For a year now,
I have been collecting pieces of life,
investigated them (very csi) and some
tossed away and some I kept to be cleaned,
washed, tumbledried and saved for later use.

It has been very lonesome year too.
Lot of heart, many times I have just sat downed
and cried and cursed my own vulnerability.
(I forgive it for myself now, btw, it's the way I
have been created and thus okay)
Many late night prayers and phone calls,
just to check that there's still people outhere
who exist and care.
(thank you)

It has been time to grow, to learn, to move on.
(Thought yet I really don't seem to have)

It has been also time to be selfish.
(Maybe sometimes even too much.)
By being selfish I mean, that most
days, most moments lately, I have lived
for myself. Well, for myself and for my God.
It has been good. For I know and trust God
to be almighty. I, who am responsible for my choices
and actions, aren't responsible for my being, for my existing.
And I just want to learn to live a life, that shouts His fame.

What future brings,
where, when and how,
I yet don't know.

All I know is that it is all good.
Battle and journey, but in the end,
it shall all be good.

During the past year, this is something that I have learned
to expect and long for.

And it has been like a bootcamp.
But I am in training so the glory of God can became more and
more obvious in my life.

And one day, some day in future, I hope, that my Provider shall
also bring into my life someone who will share with me
rest of my life, for better and for worse.
Until then, I want to be in this training, to became more
like Him who created me. (i do soun idealistic, don't I? Well,
knews, I am one :)

And until then, I want my life to be open I want to remain vulnerable,
I want to invite more people to be my sisters and my brothers,
because ...
"Think again of Frodo or Neo or Caspian or Jesus. Imagine you are surrounded by a small company of friends who know you well (characters, to be sure, but they love you, and you have come to love them). They understand that we all are at war, know that the purposes of God are to bring a man or a woman fully alive, and are living by sheer necessity and joy in the Four Streams. They fight for you, and you for them. Imagine you could have a little fellowship of the heart. Would you want it if it were available?"

Ok, now I began to quote, which is good sign of bedtime.
Good night, brothers and sisters, sweet, wild dreams.