This is a chapter that I found from http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationship/features/26152-what-to-do-when-love-disappoints Flippin' genius. Read it! (the original too)
"Falling" in Love
I find it fascinating that our entire society’s view of love is based on such a spontaneous and unintentional action like “falling.” As a professional counselor, I have heard the word “falling” used to describe the act of entering into relationship on more than one occasion. Men and women struck so deeply by the emotion of love that they couldn’t resist it; they just “fell in love.”
Falling in love. An act over which one has seemingly no control. A movement of the heart that cannot be resisted. A desire of the flesh that cannot be satisfied until its thirst has been quenched. A chemistry, a spark, an emotional explosion that can neither be explained nor denied. A feeling that can plague the heart of men and women across all races, cultures and social classes.
It’s a beautiful concept. It’s the stuff fairy tales and Hollywood movies are made of. It’s the heart-fluttering, forehead-sweating, word-stuttering, stomach-knotting disease of love that cannot seem to be controlled by the people it infects. You can’t breathe, can’t think and can’t live without the object of your affection. It’s love, you see. Love at its finest.
Or is it?
Feelings and emotions are a valuable part of who we are as human beings. God gave them to us for a very special reason. They are the compass that points us toward the general direction we need to go. But sometimes, even compasses are not enough. Sometimes, even compasses get it wrong. Feelings are an incredible resource—but they were not made to stand alone.
Excitement, exhilaration, pleasure and thrill are the emotional components to a really great batch of “love.” But what happens when the feelings aren’t so right? Exhaustion, suffering, pain and disappointment. Broken dreams, hopes and even broken promises. What happens to love, then? I have the unfortunate role of seeing the foundations crumble for those who have built their relationships on the emotional sand of “falling in love.” When the rain comes, when the wind blows, those who took the unintentional fall of love find themselves unintentionally falling right back out of it.
That’s the thing I learned about the “feeling” of love—it was never meant to stand alone. It was never intended to be used as a noun: an object, a thing, a feeling, an idea. To do so is to do the concept of love a grave injustice. To do so is to reject the very definition of how God has asked us to love (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). The most dangerous part about the myth of falling in love is that it is based on a definition that has no sense of predictability or control. It offers no guarantees. If you can fall into it, you can surely fall out of it. It’s no wonder our country’s divorce rate hovers around 50 percent, with divorce among Christians tagging right along.
The truth is, love was never just intended to be, it was intended to do. DC Talk had it right when they wrote the song “Love Is a Verb” (or rather, “luv”). That’s the truth.
Frankly, it’s the hardest verb you will ever do. It’s a verb that requires a selflessness and altruism beyond any other experience on earth. It’s a verb that is not always felt but must always be chosen. It is a commitment to do what is right, even though the one standing before you may be entirely undeserving.
Falling in love. An act over which one has seemingly no control. A movement of the heart that cannot be resisted. A desire of the flesh that cannot be satisfied until its thirst has been quenched. A chemistry, a spark, an emotional explosion that can neither be explained nor denied. A feeling that can plague the heart of men and women across all races, cultures and social classes.
It’s a beautiful concept. It’s the stuff fairy tales and Hollywood movies are made of. It’s the heart-fluttering, forehead-sweating, word-stuttering, stomach-knotting disease of love that cannot seem to be controlled by the people it infects. You can’t breathe, can’t think and can’t live without the object of your affection. It’s love, you see. Love at its finest.
Or is it?
Feelings and emotions are a valuable part of who we are as human beings. God gave them to us for a very special reason. They are the compass that points us toward the general direction we need to go. But sometimes, even compasses are not enough. Sometimes, even compasses get it wrong. Feelings are an incredible resource—but they were not made to stand alone.
Excitement, exhilaration, pleasure and thrill are the emotional components to a really great batch of “love.” But what happens when the feelings aren’t so right? Exhaustion, suffering, pain and disappointment. Broken dreams, hopes and even broken promises. What happens to love, then? I have the unfortunate role of seeing the foundations crumble for those who have built their relationships on the emotional sand of “falling in love.” When the rain comes, when the wind blows, those who took the unintentional fall of love find themselves unintentionally falling right back out of it.
That’s the thing I learned about the “feeling” of love—it was never meant to stand alone. It was never intended to be used as a noun: an object, a thing, a feeling, an idea. To do so is to do the concept of love a grave injustice. To do so is to reject the very definition of how God has asked us to love (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). The most dangerous part about the myth of falling in love is that it is based on a definition that has no sense of predictability or control. It offers no guarantees. If you can fall into it, you can surely fall out of it. It’s no wonder our country’s divorce rate hovers around 50 percent, with divorce among Christians tagging right along.
The truth is, love was never just intended to be, it was intended to do. DC Talk had it right when they wrote the song “Love Is a Verb” (or rather, “luv”). That’s the truth.
Frankly, it’s the hardest verb you will ever do. It’s a verb that requires a selflessness and altruism beyond any other experience on earth. It’s a verb that is not always felt but must always be chosen. It is a commitment to do what is right, even though the one standing before you may be entirely undeserving.
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