[dealing]

I think I'm dealing with anger here,
letting it fuse and diffuse.
Under anger sits sadness,
loneliness and rejection,
longing for safety,
for connecting and knowing.

Why did you think you needed to provoke me,
take a risk of hurting?
Or was that what you wanted,
to hurt, to make me feel
your pain,
to see your side of the story,
to feel your fear,
to confess not being trustworthy?
What do you want from me?

Don't worry, I already felt the guilt,
I can relate to the role of wrongdoer,
identify with shame.
I'm not looking for you to comfort,
or to rescue or to deny yourself.

Sometimes I'm not sure if you see,
what provoking,
probing and poking,
causes underneath the skin.
I still bruise easily,
and I know, I know that
you mean well,

and it's important that you,
keep your ways and
keep you and
keep your boundaries.
But sometimes, it still hurts.

Arms wide open,
I stop defending,
look up,
trust.