pouring out moody blues

Blaah.
I'm so bored and feeling lonely
and angry to myself and frustrated.
There is plenty to do, more than
two days workload undone, waiting.
I can't find enough self discipline
to tackle the load and not enough motivation
to find the discipline.
It's raining outside.
It looks like all my friendships have
shrunk in to a stage where you only call
one when you either need something or something
needs to be done.

I can only see my dreams and everything drift away.
Dwell in selfpity.

I should get a job but am terribly frightened
of the process.
Not sure what to do.

I hate tuesdays.

ps. gotta love the autumn colors, after all X)

no more milk.

i need church.

i believe people are the church, as my brother said but,
i see few problems there. It isn't very simple.
To be a church needs dedication and determination.
Awful lot of both. And it needs community.
I can't be church alone. So i need to step outside
of my comfort zone and share life to be church.
To seek others who are willing to be church with me.

By my experience, there are not many people
(even among christians ;)
who want to pray together when they meet friends.
Or read and talk about the word of God.
Those things are considerad as religious.
Even though you could
do both in m***nalds while eating b*gm*c.

I dearly love both, especially when shared
with people i love.
(And not talking about b*gm*cs here but former two!)
And these things are what church is to me.
Simple as that. "They committed themselves
to the teaching of the apostles, the life together,
the common meal, and the prayers."

Repeat: i think it takes a lot of determination to

dedicate one's life to a rythm of prayer, eating together,
reading Bible together...and so on.
But if you make it to work,
by grace of God,
it is the best way of the church in the world.

Milk. If church only evangelizes, night after night,

same basic message, then there is a danger
of having a whole heap of christians who never
grow up.Evangelize every night, every meeting
and you always just milk-feed.But if you challenge
yourself and your church to live it up, in everyday life,
if you manage to dig deeper, challenge

yourself and your fellows to become a message,

then your lives become an evidence,

and people who don't know God are also challenged,

they are treated differently,
and they will see and

they will believe.

Be enthuastic, live, fail and learn

and breath God, live God and love God
with everything you are.

In great commission Jesus did not say

go and evangelize, he said,
"Go out and train everyone you meet,
far and near, in this way of life, marking them
by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son,
and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the
practice of all I have commanded you.
I'll be with you as you do this, day after day
after day, right up to the end of the age."

What is the best way to train?
What have been the life-changing experiences for you?

...

..:on agendas:..

the "new black" of the autumn,
top list...

- communities, communal living
- organic food
- fatherhood
- intuition
- (new) atheistic world view and it's consequences on understanding of value of human being
- concept of church
- concept of love and tolerating things in the name of love
- teachings of Jesus
- friendship
- recycling clothes
- teenage angst
- fashion photography
- elections (why should we ever be interested?)

Feel free to share your opinion on selected topic.

secret.

what i heard today...

"So—who is like me?
Who holds a candle to me?" says The Holy.
Look at the night skies:
Who do you think made all this?
Who marches this army of stars out each night,
counts them off, calls each by name
—so magnificent! so powerful!—
and never overlooks a single one?

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
or, whine, Israel, saying,
"God has lost track of me.
He doesn't care what happens to me"?
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.

They spread their wings and soar like eagles,

They run and don't get tired,

they walk and don't lag behind.

(Isa. 40:25-31 MSG)

song.

I close my eyes and pretend to be all at sea Feel the breeze soothing my tear burning face and i laugh out loud at the sound of the crashing waves Seagulls scream your name Don't want to think it's all allright we have to fight for taking this truth to destination it is too precious to waste The mist closes us in like some ghostly ballet Can't see the horizon But hey, it is going to be a new day Still today.

don't i feel...

...shallow.
I just spent few (or more) minutes
to read some really good stuff from
people listed here on the right side------>
And then i started feeling a bit selfish,
self-obsessed and shallow,
as everyone else seemed to be writing
genius and deep and meaningful things.
Oh boy.
*break here, just learned to say in arabic
"our God is our peace"*
Well. Without any self-pity,
i guess i need conversation to promt me
to more deeper stuff, and as long as
this continues being monologue,
i'll keep just chatting...
haha. And did i have a point here?
Not so, maybe, but i love you, miss you
and look forward to some great conversations.
xx,
gossip girl ;)