[trembled]

read it’s your 46 to my 54

at the market rare things count

so much beauty and desire wasted 

why is it so

painful leftovers turning bitter with time

and while we are not like those chosen ones

two options, to blame circumtances

or turn the hatred inside

these tears burn

April light so blinding bright

hard is shines makes all the mistakes outlined

I feel like a fool

and regret and blame myself

have I allowed fantasy determine

My own inconsistency irritates

Fears run over

slap me on the other cheek too

when there should be no shame

I can see the dots but they have no order

can’t figure out how the lines should connect

and am too senseless to ask for direction

just plain scared, alright

don’t come closer it can’t end up well, maybe i’m poisonous somehow,

don’t let me sabotage this if there is any chance

don’t let me off the hook so easily

please

and still i can’t understand why would anyone dare to care

hope you didn’t just lead me on

for the sake of being able to do so

if it was just a game you have played with diamonds only to waste them 

if i fell for what i had pointed out for the others wasn’t fair

maybe it serves me right

stupidity costs

and i’m not an innocent one here, guilty as charged

just wishing it would have been different

for once

and all we ever want is for someone to be there 

at the end of the day and say we are quite okay.