[when...] 2

...i feel that my life is such a waste.
where to look.
there is this eternal hope,
but how to work it out in here.
when there is failure as track record
leadership [you have failed]
relationship [you have failed]
you don't earn enough
you don't have a husband
you don't have children
you don't have a house
you don't have a job
you don't have a position
you don't even speak our language
you don't have impressive skills that we could use
you don't have vision or dreams that we would like
you don't you don't you don't

Maybe when I made the decision it was made with brain
and not with heart, heart that would've chosen shepherds
I could've chosen otherwise and now i see why
But maybe I will grow to be a better
stronger wiser
Proved myself.
Or just failed forevermore.

[when...]

...darkness hits you on the face and pain comes on to surface.
She didn't feel like playing an adult anymore, not too much.
Even after what was said, all true and practical.
Where do you find a way to hear it in a way that it doesn't quite
get distorted and warped and burn down all the little sprouts of hope.

When all shadows scream we told you so, we told you,
you are going to fail you fail you fail you fail
you are not to be trusted you are not
you don't meet our expectations you don't you don't you don't
we never wanted you come along anyway

Where do you stand if you don't know who you are
what do you do when you don't believe in yourself
where do you find strength when who you are is too much and not enough

how can i know if there is a future
what failures grow up to be
how would anyone even like someone like that
yet alone love.

put up a smile and walk tall and fight for yourself
but how do you fight for something that you believe is quite worthless
who would want to own someone like that
too soft for the world
too much and not enough

when ones that gave you life say despite themselves
despite themselves but when that's where you came from
it hurts
how can you believe in you if they don't believe in themselves
if they don't believe in each other

And I don't accept disillusionment as the only way forward
yes it happens [it does] but you can't preach that
you need to tell them what to do, where to find life.
We need people who are alive. Even if being alive would kill them.

[Designed to Flourish]

I was thumbing through a Williams-Sonoma catalog. It calls itself "a catalog for cooks," but really, it's a catalog of the life we wish we had. Everything is beautiful, delicious, elegant. The kitchens portrayed are immaculate-there are no messes. Cooking there would be a joy. The tables are sumptuous with their beautiful china place settings, wine glasses brimming with nectar, gourmet foods deliciously prepared, invitingly presented. Fresh flowers abound. The homes are lovely and spacious; the view out the windows is always a mountain lake, a beach, or perhaps an English garden. Everything is as it ought to be. Glancing through its pages, you get a sense of rest. Life is good. You see, the images whisper, it can be done. Life is within your grasp. And so the quest continues. But of course. Our address used to be Paradise, remember?

And oh, how we yearn for another shot at it. Flip with me for a moment through the photo album of your heart, and collect a few of your most treasured memories. Recall a time in your life when you felt really special, a time when you knew you were loved. The day you got engaged perhaps. Or a childhood Christmas. Maybe a time with your grandparents.

Hold your memory while you gather another, a time of real adventure, such as when you first learned to ride a bike, or galloped on a horse, or perhaps did something exciting on a vacation. Now, we were meant to live in a world like that-every day. Just as our lungs are made to breathe oxygen, our souls are designed to flourish in an atmosphere rich in love and meaning, security and significance, intimacy and adventure. But we don't live in that world anymore. Far from it. Though we try to resolve the dilemma by disowning our desire, it doesn't work. It is the soul's equivalent of holding our breath. Eventually, we find ourselves gasping for air. 


(John Eldredge: Desire , p. 71-72)


© 2010 Ransomed Heart Ministries. All rights reserved.


How to come through disillusionment with having dreams and hopes that are still alive? 
We need dreams to be able to navigate forward. How to keep desire alive, how to 
learn to live in a way you feel alive? 

Listen: [OneRepublic - Marchin On]

There’s so many wars we fought, 
There’s so many things we’re not, 
But with what we have, 
I promise you that, 
We’re marching on, 
(We’re marching on) 
(We’re marching on). 
____________________________________________________________________
This song really spoke to me today, I think I found a new band to like too.

GOD OF JUSTICE LYRICS - TIM HUGHES

God of Justice, Saviour to all
Came to rescue the weak and the poor
Chose to serve and not be served

Jesus, You have called us
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give

We must go live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go

To act justly everyday
Loving mercy in everyway
Walking humbly before You God

You have shown us, what You require
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give


Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out Lord

I am...

...blessed by fellowship, overwhelmed by joy, melted by love, hold together by peace, challenged by vision.

How are you?

[Sunday eve]

Today's verse is “If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”- Luke 11:13


I am chilling out in sunday evening. Coming week, I need total increase in faith and in motivation. Few things to do which I have pushed back due to fear, lack of motivation or just not quite knowing how to do them, and now can't avoid them. Also recently stepped in faith somewhere and now I'm a bit afraid of the outcome. 

Was good to be reminded this morning of this verse: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;" Prov. 3:5

Making to do's list for the coming week, tying some loose ends, thinking of family and friends near and far.

How do you like my new lay out? Background picture isn't mine, but I'd like

to change it to one of my own soon. 

With this song I wish you a good week - joy and peace be yours!